Monday, June 23, 2014

I know I've been MIA... but let me explain...


I DID IT! Finally! I graduated from the College of Staten Island this past May! I finished with a BA in English writing. I feel so accomplished. As a Mom returning to school sometimes feels like distant goal but with persistence it can be done. I'm pursuing my goal of becoming a published and professional writer.Exciting things are on their way. But I've been missing before then, you say? Yes you're right. I took some time to focus on my finals, my kids, the hubs and my new job (which I just received a promotion in). There were a lot of changes taking place very quickly and to ensure that Mom Boss Files didn't suffer, I put the blog aside temporarily. I love my blog, I wanted to focus on it properly, with little distraction. I'm Back, can you forgive me? Of course you can! More updates, changes, motivation and of course writing, coming soon! Stay tuned!





Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION






In my years of "wisdom" I am not only realizing but also accepting, that I can not share my dreams with everyone who loves me. It has taken me over twenty plus years to understand not everyone understands my path. I gotta explain.

We all have friends and family we love but bouncing ideas off of them may not be the best idea. These are the same loved ones who will be the first to tell us how quickly we will not succeed or how hard it is to achieve that goal and the last one to ask what's our plan to get there. And nine times out of ten (usually ten out of ten) the same loved ones have never attempted, researched or tried the very thing you are looking to achieve. So now, why are you asking someone from Maine who has never been to New Mexico for directions to New Mexico?

I understand now that many of these people we turn to for validation were not properly validated themselves and do not know how to offer validation. I've learned something major in my years, people who understand what it means to chase their goals hardly ever knock down someone else who is chasing theirs.

These are folks we love and respect but they do not share our vision. Which is fine but this person is not fit to be our mentor or our guide.

In so many ways we want their approval. We are looking for them to give the 'yes' or 'go ahead'. We want their support and backing and we are trying to avoid the dreaded 'I told you so' if we fail but their permission is not necessary.

I remember when I first wanted to be a life coach. I was nine-teen-ish, a single mother living in my parents house. I had watched a television show called "The starting over house", The show featured two life coaches helping women re-start their lives. One of the life coaches was Iyanla Vanzant. I was smitten! A light bulb went off in my head and I realized that this was something I really, truly, undeniably wanted to do! I was impressed by their hands-on approach in concern to the lives of women. I was so excited I started telling people that I loved, respected and valued. I wanted them to approve, I needed their permission to pursue this dream! I was met by so many negative comments about my dream and my vision for my plans. I was told things like, "You have to go through something first, who would listen to you?" and "There's no money in that." I wasn't crushed but I did begin to doubt myself. If it weren't for my sister, Theo, who simply said, "Oh, what's that? And how would you go about that?" Lord knows if this would still be a goal of mine. Without saying much she fed my vision. Without giving me a gold star she said she believed I could do it and it has taken me this long to understand that I can.


As for the nay-sayers, I still have them, I believe we all do. But here's the trick friends, metaphorically, pack up your house and all of your beautiful belongings, make sure to label all of the boxes properly. And when the movers arrive make sure the box labeled "nay-sayers" is left behind. There is no room for them in your goals!

2014, I am linking up with life coaches in my area for mentor-ship and training, no permission slip required.


Until next time Moms!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

10 things I am leaving Behind in 2013!!!

Happy New Years Eve Moms!

This is a quick and honest post this evening. I know many of us are spending Quality time with our families as we should, so here it is!

Some things may not enter 2014 with me! They must be left behind! They will not serve as any benefit, so here is what I'm leaving in 2013!!


  1. Bad Karma & Energies
  2. Negative thoughts & Thinking
  3. Negative People
  4. Can't Do Attitudes
  5. Fear
  6. Lazy tendacies
  7. Procrastination
  8. Small Talk (gossip)
  9. Fat Talk
  10. Anyone who does not understand growth and do not aim to achieve it!
It has to stay behind!


Cheers to the New Year! Hope you are leaving some things behind too!


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

7 of the Worst Times for your kid to call your name!

       I realize that over the course of 13 years my children tend to call my name at the most, let's say, less preferred times. So I compiled a list of 7 moments that may be considered the worst! Enjoy!




7. That moment when you are about to close your eyes and fall asleep. "Mommy"

6. When you're watching your favorite show and the plot is about to be exposed and you DO NOT have DVR! "Mom"

5. That moment when you think your kid is right behind you in the store and you hear your name on the store's PA system.

4. In the movie theater, in the middle of the movie when it's just getting good and your kid has to use the bathroom. "Mommmmmyyy"

3. At the park and your kid/kids are mis-behaving. Another Mom turns to you and says, "Someone needs to control those kids!" "MOMMMMYYYY!"

2. When you are in the BATHROOM!


1. When you finally put the kids to sleep,you believe they are out for the night! You and the hubby are about to have "Adult" time. And from the hallway you hear that dreadful...."Ma"

I hope you enjoyed, if you have any less preferred moments to share please do so! Also, remember to like and share!


Saturday, November 2, 2013

My Early Apology




           I woke up one morning to find a twelve year old pre-teen in my home. She is beautiful, funny, wise & smart-mouthed! We stand eye-to-eye and she’s not done growing. She has thoughts and opinions of her own. She takes the bus to and from school. She spends ample time with her friends in school. Laughing, talking, probably gossiping and definitely influencing one another. Mommy is still cool but not cool enough. She knows more than I do. Mommy doesn’t get it. But I get it.

          You’re a young lady now. You are no longer my “baby”. Being twelve is a shock to you as much as it is to me. You have a new body to get used to go along with a new brain. Darling, you have to learn to navigate this crazy world with guidance from your parents but with the decisions solely up to you. I know it’s scary and exciting at the same time. You want to be trusted when all we do is pry into your life. What you call being “nosy”, I call concern-doing my job. Your job is to get to know yourself. My job is to keep you safe. Your job is to test the limits. My job is to remind you of the limits.

           And while you think it’s unfair when I want to talk to the parents of your friends before you hang out, I remind you, “One day you’ll be a Mom and you’ll understand.” You’ve heard that before on Disney.
And when you tell me, “Well so and so Mom let’s her…” I remind you, “I am not so and so Mom.”
And here we are, thirteen knocking on our door. Where did the time fly? Junior high is coming to an end, a new transition to overcome. Us together, I will always remind you, you’re never alone.

           So I want to apologize to you early. I will not always get it right but Mom will do her best. I apologize for the conclusions I will jump to and be completely wrong. I apologize for embarrassing you in front of that cute boy you like, or for pulling you out of the party because it’s past your curfew. I’m sorry for telling you to change your outfit and fix your hair, for saying no to your first tattoo or crazy piercings, the first, second and most likely third time. I'm so sorry for not understanding why you are crying over something so small, like, not being chosen for a project or missing a friends’ party because we have a prior event. Mommy is sorry now!

            But please understand. I am doing this because I Love you. You are something special to me. You amaze me with your beautiful talents. Like your ability to make me smile on a crappy day. Or the beautiful drawings and poems you create and leave for me to find on my bed. You are an amazing kid and life will always change. Mommy wants you to be equipped, so forgive me once again for the mistakes that I will make and the interference I will run. I am Mommy and it comes with the job.

Love you Lana Bear,


Mommy

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Truth About Autism



My cousin and friend Bindu is an amazing writer, a wife and a dedicated Mom to her boys. One of her boys lives with Autism. When she writes, she pulls from life experiences and wisdom. I appreciate her writing because it is heart felt and honest. Her life experiences make Super woman look a little tired. It's okay, Motherhood (Yes, with a capital M) is not meant to be or look easy. 

Bindu is passionate about many subjects but one that comes across the most passionate is Autism. She lives with an Autistic Angel, she has first hand experience. Her concerns are clear, parents with Autistic children should not only share with the Autistic community, awareness is for everyone. She shared this with me and she has allowed me to share with my readers. I felt it was a responsibility to share. There are so many things we hear about autism but there is a lot we don't hear or see. This piece offers some insight on what we do not see. Soak it up and learn, I know I did.

Just another day in the life of dealing with Autism........doctors office, blood everywhere, fight, struggle and unbelievable tension for simple exams that most kids just breeze through. Nope not us......one thing Autism has done, is it has forced us as parents to throw our capes on at a moments notice and make sure we put our child's needs first 24/7. No sleep, no rest, just doing balancing act with the stress. They say the divorce for Autistic parents is extremely high.......I believe it.

I've read so many articles and met with so many parents who struggle, now I know why. We sacrifice it all until we have nothing left to offer each other and if there was, there is no energy to do it with. Honestly.......It's just never simple and is always complicated. People have asked me to write about my personal experience with Autism and for as much as I write, some days I really can't find the words. I'm just blown away at the amount of energy it takes out of me on a daily basis. There is no mental/emotional preparation for this experience. It's no joke and people have no idea. Someone walked up to me and said that they believe it takes a special kind of people who are truly selfless and will sacrifice themselves/their lives for their child in a way that other parents cannot imagine. 

I can't even get pissed off and argue cause I'm too tired or caught up with this kid that I forget who/what made me angry. Nothing matters more than his well being and life is at a stand still. It literally and figuratively is Shane's world. Everything has stopped for me. Any moves I want to make as far as personal goals and aspirations......my life is on hold and I wouldn't have it any other way. I would give birth/life to this kid a trillion times over just to see him smile with confidence knowing I sacrificed it all for him. That's what a MOM BOSS would do so I stay focused on who/what matters most! 

He is my best life lesson and my biggest life blessing. He is teaching me who I truly am. I'm still learning and look forward to every challenge. Many chapters in my life have been forced closed because I can't offer those life chapters my attention. I guess this is why mothers are truly WOMEN OF STRENGTH! We give and we sacrifice and squeeze moments into our lives for sanity sake. I've just had to let it all go and be at peace with everyone and everything. He's the reason I've learned to let go, forgive and allow my peace to be still. This evening as I walk out of the doctors office holding my husband's coat, suit jacket and tie that was pulled off in the doctor's office, I calmly wiped my son's blood off of my face/hands. I thought to myself.....WOW! I am truly GRACE UNDER PRESSURE AND TREMENDOUS CALM IN MY PERSONAL STORM. As parents we have no choice. This is my truth!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

I hate everything about the first day...

I do! I really truly do! The stress, the anxiety and most of all the wait!

I love being present for the first day of school. I like to walk them to the door, give kisses and hugs, tell them it's going to be amazing and they're going to make new friends.

I post pics on FB of their new outfits, blah blah blah but here's the truth-

I hate this shit!

I've come to realize that I need to be present for my own sanity. I want to see the face of the teacher who will have my kid more than I will 5 days a week.

I want them to know my kid is SPECIAL dammit and her mother is a little sideways crazy so they need to take extra care of my Baby!

After getting over the horrible anxiety of dropping them off, now I have to wait... and wait and wait and wait some more!

I can't occupy my time enough on the first day. It doesn't matter how much work is on my desk or what homework I have, my stomach stays in a bunch until I'm sitting next to my girls.

And every year without fail, the convo goes like this:

Me: SOOOOO! How was your first day? Made any new friends? Were your classmates nice? How's your teacher?

Kid #1: It was cool.

Kid#2: Yeah mine too!

Me: That's it? Cool? How was lunch? Who did you play with? Anything exciting?

Kid#1:Not really Mom, it was just the first day.

Kid#2: Yeah Mommy.

Me: Huh?


And I have to do this every year? Sounds like I need to learn my lesson. This year I'll try not asking about their first day and instead I'll tell them what it was. Maybe they'll think I'm a magician!